Day 45

Standard

So I was going to say that tonight’s song had been my theme for much of the last 18 months but that things were looking up. Then I answered a question from my mum about last weeks meeting and I broke down in the most unexpected and sudden way. So, yeah, still my theme song – “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” by My Chemical Romance.

It’s funny (‘peculiar’, not ‘haha’) how even a short bust of grief-laden crying can exhaust you.

There are days that I wish that the medication dulled everything so it didn’t hurt so much. But it doesn’t and I’m more ‘stable’ with All The Pills than without them so I will continue to take them no matter how much I hate needing them. And it is a need. Just as a diabetic may need insulin, I need serotonin so I take medication that keeps the levels in my brain high enough to help me be reasonable in my emotions and responses… well, sort of. I’m still highly strung.

Which, given my love of yarn is a strangely apt and multi-faceted comment….

This trapezoid has come out very well shaped.

day 45

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