Day 53

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Today has been difficult. I have become aware in the last few days that the shadows have slithered closer while  wasn’t looking. I found myself either sleeping or staring at nothing for most of today. I don’t want to do this again. I’ve had 18 months struggling to maintain ‘normal’ (with limited success despite medication changes and therapy) and now that the worst of the other stuff seems to be over, my moods are dropping worryingly low. My medication hasn’t changed and while my sleeping and eating habits are bit wobbly, that didn’t start until after the noticeably low moods did. I have been emotionally needy and I am far more frustrated by this than my husband is which is both good and bad, I suppose. Tomorrow is knitting group so that ought to help a little.

I only got the blanket knitting done today. Every time I picked up the shawl to work on it, I felt an almost physical revulsion so put it back down again. this will pass soon enough. it always does. it’s just that getting from here to there is so horrible.

Something that lifts my mood is music. I love to listen to a variety of styles but I am particularly fond of things I can sing along to. Once upon a time, I was training as a singer. Once upon a time I could sing all of the notes in today’s song. As I have gotten older, I have done less singing. My voice is also now more suited to music with tones like Ella Fitzgerald and Nina Simone – alto instead of soprano for the musically inclined among you. though if I ever wet back to voice training I would likely be somewhere between the two.

When I was growing up, my father had an enormous collection of pop music from the late 50s through to current music and I loved it. As such I can surprise some people with the songs I know. I am often more surprised by the songs people don’t know though. I guess I assume that everyone had music like I did. I sang in church choirs, sometimes with my mother beside me, sometimes with her conducting us. There were long, rambling drives with my dad, singing along to some very outdated music and every now and again, there would be something on one of the cassettes that would be new and it would stay with me. I’m not aware of ever hearing anything else by Minnie Riperton, I adore her song ‘Loving you’ and want everyone to hear this beautiful piece of music.

Because I am including the promised, more colour accurate photo of the first 52 days, I won’t include a photo of today’s rectangle but you’ll see it with tomorrow’s piece.

So, here it is and I really really love it 🙂

Day 52-pinned

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