So one of the things about mental health is that whether you have a diagnosis or not, mood swings happen and more often than not we can figure out what triggered it – an argument, a random comment on the tv, worries for family or friends, paying your bills. But sometimes there isn’t anything in particular. It can be a series of ridiculously meaningless trivialities, things that don’t matter but that gather in a hidden corner of your thoughts and one day the light shines on them or there are to many to remain hidden so they spill out into your conciousness. You can’t differentiate or separate one tangle of nonsense from another but it smothers everything good and positive with the mess it makes of our mind and you find yourself staring at the wall and unable to move in any direction or muster interest in anything.
It’s a vexing state to be in. It’s like finding yourself locked on the other side of the looking glass, watching some shadow of yourself and not having anyway to influence a change.
Eventually the mess does untangle, or devours itself and you can break through the looking glass but the time it takes for that to happen varies so much it becomes an inconsequential eventuality.
I want to smash the mirror. I don’t wan to be on the other side of the mirror any more but at the same time, I just don’t care. Certainly not enough to effect any change.
I’m so tired all the time. No, it’s no tired. I am weary. Weary and cold to the very marrow of my bones.
t’s odd to thin that all of these thoughts come at the end of what has been a really great day.
We had our WWKiP day today at a different cafe to the one we normally meet in on Wednesdays. After informing everyone about a local yarn shop closing and it’s subsequent yarn sale, my friend M decided to make a trip to the shop this afternoon and she would be happy to take my friend G and myself with her. She freely admits that her sense of direction is non existent and that she’d never go any where without a navigator and a person is much better tan a satnav. I came home with the knit pro needles and cables I needed and 2 balls of Noro Sekku which I didn’t but the were nearly half price and so very very pretty. I think that I will become a cropped cardigan to be worn with my maxi dresses – I don’t like being without sleeves on my clothes. Also, summer here is exceedingly fickle. I never leave home without at least a shawl and an umbrella.
With that in mind, please enjoy Ella Fitzgerald singing ‘A Foggy Day’.
Day 54 is a boring old triangle in my favourite turquoise coloured yarn. Yesterday saw me adding the rectangle today’s piece is attached to.
Yes, his did show up late ad has been backdated. It was written on time but our internet connection has been dropping out and though I waited for an hour, it was not back up when I was ready for sleep.