Day 80


Do you know what one of the worst parts of having depression and anxiety is? It’s not the way people think you’re being lazy or flaky. It’s not how hard it is to do everyday things as simple as getting out of bed and getting dressed. It’s not how getting good treatment is so difficult. It’s being unable to control something as simple as your emotions.

I was watching tv and knitting earlier today and quite suddenly and without any prompting I was sobbing. I still don’t know why. And before you suggest it might have been prompted by whatever was on the tv, I was in the middle of 2 hours of Scooby-Doo cartoons so there was nothing even vaguely emotional happening on the screen. I’m sure that I can point to a dozen things going on in my life that are misery making but this was so abstract.

Anyway, it’s ridiculous. I’ll be 36 next month and I respond to emotional situations like an angry and frustrated toddler, crying at the stupidest of things. I still don’t handle change well. I don’t handle being on my own well but I don’t want people breathing my air. And my poor husband is inundated with demands for his undivided attention. I am fully aware of all of these things and no matter how much effort I put in, there are times I have absolutely no control over any of it… of course, this all just makes it worse.

So I’m feeling drained and wobbly headed but I did the finishing on a friends cowl, got more of the tablecloth done and did today’s square. I even cleaned the floors, and washed my hair.

Then cheered myself up with some more Horrible Histories songs. This is one I have yet to learn and you’ll see why. You’ll also learn all the English monarchs since William the Conqueror. You’ll be humming this one too. Not sorry :p

Orange/lime/yellow rectangle!

day 80

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