Day 192

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Photo catch-up!

Grey trapezoid was day 190, red square was yesterday (day 191), and the pink trapezoid is today.

day 190-192

I almost forgot this again today. I have been enjoying the company of my son and mother-in-law and working on my husband’s birthday present. There’s a lot going on this weekend.

I’m trying to think of things that aren’t my mental health or this blanket to write about. One of the things I was considering, other than the discussions promised at the beginning of this blog, was how to correct your gauge, and why it works the way it does. Is anyone interested in this?

Looking back over the last 2 weeks of posts, it is glaringly obvious that my music tastes are somewhat eclectic. It gets worse today. Not sorry 😉

This piece is very appropriately called ‘The Typewriter’ and I first heard it as part of a collection called ‘Wagner’s Rinse Cycle’. It was a collection of ‘musical oddities’ – songs played on obscure or improvised instruments, songs that are meowed instead of sung – pieces that are singular in the musical world for one reason or another. You’ll see why this one was included immediately.

I’m particularly fond of them ‘tuning’ the typewriter to the orchestra.

 

Day 190

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Too tired to muck about with photos today but rest assured that the knitting was in fact done. The other trapezoid was added around yesterdays small square. It is in considerably fewer shades of grey than that literary affront.

Straight onto the song today because it’s live Led Zeppelin with the very awesome ‘Kashmir’ – another of those songs that gives me happy shivers, particularly live versions. Also, I love Robert Plant’s hair! And his voice and the sound they achieve with this very complex piece of music. I love it when rock bands show their talent goes beyond being loud.

Day 189

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I’m feeling really tired this evening. I’ve been struggling with pain for the last couple of days. The doctors did warn me that even though the pancreatitis is resolved, I may never be completely rid of the pain. It’s still not serious but it is uncomfortable and sits at the same place on my torso as my bra so you can imagine how a restrictive elastic band exacerbates the situation.

Still, it’s so much better than when I was in the hospital. I was on regular, strong pain medication and not having access to it via IV was one of my most worrying thoughts after I left the hospital. I have been very blessed to not need it and to have paracetamol and buscopan be all I need when pain does flare up.

I got a few more rows of my husbands very belated Dr Who scarf. It was meant to be for Christmas 2 years ago. I have only a quarter of it to go and yes it is like the multi coloured one that Tom Baker wore and is now an iconic part of Who lore. His birthday is in a couple of weeks and I really want to get it finished for him. I know I can get the knitting done but I’m not sure about getting all of the finishing done. There are a lot of ends to sew in because I love knitting but kinda hate sewing in ends. This is not a problem I alone experience.

Lots of knitters have a stack of WiP’s (works in progress) and UFO’s (unfinished objects), and most of those are only unfinished because they need assembling. Finishing a project and making it look good takes concentration that many of us can infrequently force ourselves to gather. Personally, I need to stick to my resolution to finish 2 items completely before starting something new. It’s easier to do when I don’t spend time on Ravelry where there are 10’s of new patterns daily.

And of course the meditation blanket cures me of some of that Startitis because it lets me start a new item each day. And today’s cure is mostly in pink and purple.

Day 189

 

Judy Garland was lost to the world in 1969, due in large part to mental ill-health. Much like Robin Williams though, she is not remembered for that but for being an incredible talent. Did you know that they wanted Shirley Temple for the role of Dorothy? You can’t imagine it, can you?

Here Judy is in 1950 from the movie ‘Summer Stock’ which also starred Gene Kelly.

Day 188

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I’m putting together a YouTube playlist of all the music I’ve played on here. I’m only about 3 weeks in so far. 188 days is a lot of words to work through.

Going back through the posts has shown me that I promised some knitting related explanations way back at the beginning and never got around to them. I’ll make a page with a list for the tutorials and explanations too while I’m making the playlist. I still need to make a page of just the patterns. Maybe I should make those into a PDF as well.

A lovely, straightforward trapezoid today. I’m quite fond of this green but I’m never sure if it works as well as I think – it’s a much more muted colour, sort of grubby compared with the others. I don’t think it clashes, just not sure if it was the right choice.

Day 188

After ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’, I’ve not heard this Wet Wet Wet song on the radio and I’ve missed it. I particularly like the bridge.

 

Day 187

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Not much to say today. There’s been a low swing in my mood this week. As much trouble as I occasionally had with being constantly surrounded by people for 3 months in hospital, I’m finding being on my own so suddenly equally difficult.

At least I can identify a starting point for the down swing. There is little more irritating than being sad/angry/etc and not being able to work out why.

Turquoise rectangle and Alanna Myles’ ‘Black Velvet’ finish our update today.

Day 187

Day 186

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I’m not sleeping well. It’s worrying my husband and, if I’m honest, it has me a little worried too. But I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to sleep and I’m awake later and later into the night but still waking at 7am. Some days that means only about 4 hours sleep when I need at least 7. Do I wait it out or try going to bed at a reasonable hour and hope it doesn’t result in hours lying awake?

And before you ask, I am taking my medication every day.

An orange square brings us closer to the end of this phase of the blanket today.

Day 186

Have I shared this song with you before? It’s Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine (from Maroon5) singing ‘Stereo Hearts’. I really like Adam Levine’s voice. I like how it works in counterpoint to Travie’s rapping.

Day 185

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We got a new sofa today. Well, new to us. A friend is getting a new sofa next week and wants to decorate before it arrives so we’re already got her old one which doesn’t look very old at all. And it will be easier to keep in good condition because it’s leather which is wipe clean, which most sofa fabrics are not. It’s a corner set which is different. We are disassembling the mismatched pair to take to the tip tomorrow. It’s strangely intense work.

After setting up the new sofa, we went out with Mary to a new, local deli for a late breakfast. The Smokehouse Deli is awesome. If you are in St Albans, Herts, or nearby, you should look it up.

2 new pieces for the blanket to make up for missing yesterday. A small ‘petrol’ coloured square and a green and lilac rectangle.

day 185

I need a little cheering up today so here’s a favourite from The Mavericks – ‘Dance the Night Away’. I love the music and the video clip just makes me smile.

Day 184

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For a blog that I started largely as an accountability platform for a year-long knitting project, I get more followers because of, and likes on the posts I make about my mental health. I hope that, for those who need it, I am helping in someway and that, for those who don’t need it, it will help you when dealing with someone in your life who exhibits similar behaviours.

I don’t consider my mental state to be a ‘problem’ any more than someone with diabetes or epilepsy might. I take medication to balance out a biological deficiency – I take iron pills as well as mood stabilisers and I consider them both this way.

Or course, I would prefer to not need them and every day I struggle with the act of actually taking them. I hate that I need them but I hate the person I become without them – without the iron I am always exhausted; without the mood stabilisers I am a dervish of nonsensical emotion and distractibility; without the blood pressure meds I would very likely have a stroke; without the stomach acid protection I wouldn’t be able to consume food or drink (seriously, not even milk or mashed potato). I know what I take and why I take it and it is that knowledge that has me downing the medication every day.

Speaking of medication, I had to dig out the paracetamol and buscopan today. The pain was so bad I was considering opening the huge bottle of oxycodone the hospital sent me home with. Not so bad I considered calling the hospital but I slept for 4 hours this afternoon. I did wake up pain free so I’m calling it a success.

No knitting because of it though. Sitting up is still awkward and things are still tense in my torso. And no knitting because I can’t think of any music to share. I know – I’m dropping the ball here. Still trying to get my groove back I guess. It’s been less than a month since I got home though.

Day 183

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I’m struggling with my ability to concentrate and it means I’m forgetting every day things, like taking my medication each day. I don’t mean medication related to my recent hospital stay. This is the stuff I’ve been taking for years.

But then, I’m not sleeping properly so it isn’t really a surprise. Though I have been eating well, so that’s something.

I was too tired and a little bit fragile so I didn’t go to the Thursday knitting group today. Not that there was any money to go out – the day before payday is always a bit tricky financially. Trying to decide if I want to go out tomorrow or not. I’ve had very minor pain/cramping in the areas that hurt when I was in the hospital. The discomfort is less of a problem than the fear and panic that wells up when the pain starts. I haven’t been needing pain relief more than twice a week since leaving the hospital 3 weeks ago so the fear is largely unfounded. I’m trying not to think about how the pain that needed morphine started out small.

Maybe I’ve been on my own too much lately. Computer games aren’t distraction enough obviously and I’m too much in my own head.

I’m keeping up with the blanket though so yay me 🙂 Lovely bold stripes today.

Day 183