Day 184

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For a blog that I started largely as an accountability platform for a year-long knitting project, I get more followers because of, and likes on the posts I make about my mental health. I hope that, for those who need it, I am helping in someway and that, for those who don’t need it, it will help you when dealing with someone in your life who exhibits similar behaviours.

I don’t consider my mental state to be a ‘problem’ any more than someone with diabetes or epilepsy might. I take medication to balance out a biological deficiency – I take iron pills as well as mood stabilisers and I consider them both this way.

Or course, I would prefer to not need them and every day I struggle with the act of actually taking them. I hate that I need them but I hate the person I become without them – without the iron I am always exhausted; without the mood stabilisers I am a dervish of nonsensical emotion and distractibility; without the blood pressure meds I would very likely have a stroke; without the stomach acid protection I wouldn’t be able to consume food or drink (seriously, not even milk or mashed potato). I know what I take and why I take it and it is that knowledge that has me downing the medication every day.

Speaking of medication, I had to dig out the paracetamol and buscopan today. The pain was so bad I was considering opening the huge bottle of oxycodone the hospital sent me home with. Not so bad I considered calling the hospital but I slept for 4 hours this afternoon. I did wake up pain free so I’m calling it a success.

No knitting because of it though. Sitting up is still awkward and things are still tense in my torso. And no knitting because I can’t think of any music to share. I know – I’m dropping the ball here. Still trying to get my groove back I guess. It’s been less than a month since I got home though.

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