Day 185

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We got a new sofa today. Well, new to us. A friend is getting a new sofa next week and wants to decorate before it arrives so we’re already got her old one which doesn’t look very old at all. And it will be easier to keep in good condition because it’s leather which is wipe clean, which most sofa fabrics are not. It’s a corner set which is different. We are disassembling the mismatched pair to take to the tip tomorrow. It’s strangely intense work.

After setting up the new sofa, we went out with Mary to a new, local deli for a late breakfast. The Smokehouse Deli is awesome. If you are in St Albans, Herts, or nearby, you should look it up.

2 new pieces for the blanket to make up for missing yesterday. A small ‘petrol’ coloured square and a green and lilac rectangle.

day 185

I need a little cheering up today so here’s a favourite from The Mavericks – ‘Dance the Night Away’. I love the music and the video clip just makes me smile.

Day 184

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For a blog that I started largely as an accountability platform for a year-long knitting project, I get more followers because of, and likes on the posts I make about my mental health. I hope that, for those who need it, I am helping in someway and that, for those who don’t need it, it will help you when dealing with someone in your life who exhibits similar behaviours.

I don’t consider my mental state to be a ‘problem’ any more than someone with diabetes or epilepsy might. I take medication to balance out a biological deficiency – I take iron pills as well as mood stabilisers and I consider them both this way.

Or course, I would prefer to not need them and every day I struggle with the act of actually taking them. I hate that I need them but I hate the person I become without them – without the iron I am always exhausted; without the mood stabilisers I am a dervish of nonsensical emotion and distractibility; without the blood pressure meds I would very likely have a stroke; without the stomach acid protection I wouldn’t be able to consume food or drink (seriously, not even milk or mashed potato). I know what I take and why I take it and it is that knowledge that has me downing the medication every day.

Speaking of medication, I had to dig out the paracetamol and buscopan today. The pain was so bad I was considering opening the huge bottle of oxycodone the hospital sent me home with. Not so bad I considered calling the hospital but I slept for 4 hours this afternoon. I did wake up pain free so I’m calling it a success.

No knitting because of it though. Sitting up is still awkward and things are still tense in my torso. And no knitting because I can’t think of any music to share. I know – I’m dropping the ball here. Still trying to get my groove back I guess. It’s been less than a month since I got home though.

Day 183

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I’m struggling with my ability to concentrate and it means I’m forgetting every day things, like taking my medication each day. I don’t mean medication related to my recent hospital stay. This is the stuff I’ve been taking for years.

But then, I’m not sleeping properly so it isn’t really a surprise. Though I have been eating well, so that’s something.

I was too tired and a little bit fragile so I didn’t go to the Thursday knitting group today. Not that there was any money to go out – the day before payday is always a bit tricky financially. Trying to decide if I want to go out tomorrow or not. I’ve had very minor pain/cramping in the areas that hurt when I was in the hospital. The discomfort is less of a problem than the fear and panic that wells up when the pain starts. I haven’t been needing pain relief more than twice a week since leaving the hospital 3 weeks ago so the fear is largely unfounded. I’m trying not to think about how the pain that needed morphine started out small.

Maybe I’ve been on my own too much lately. Computer games aren’t distraction enough obviously and I’m too much in my own head.

I’m keeping up with the blanket though so yay me 🙂 Lovely bold stripes today.

Day 183

Day 182

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Did you know that half of 365 is 182.5? Yep, we’re half way. How awesome is that? I still an’t believe that I’ve been working on this for that long and that I came back to it after a 3 month break.

I didn’t get a photo of the whole thing today. Too many people were too interesting at knitting today 🙂 I did get a photo of today’s purple rectangle and yesterdays green square though.

Day 182

I had some sad news this week – the owner of our local music and comic book stores passed away after a 10 month battle with cancer. I have called him friend for nearly 15 years. Our local paper paid tribute to him today. He will be greatly missed by this family.

Day 181

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A pale green small square was added today. No photo for the usual reason. I will try to remember to take a photo of the whole thing tomorrow at knitting.

I had a visit from friends today which left me nervous from last night until they arrived. I’m still not back into what passe as a normal cleaning routine and it both irritates and frustrates me. Add into the normal cleaning things the fact that the dogs are caking the floor in muddy paw prints and just thinking about the cleaning leave me exhausted.

My torso is still sensitive – in the muscles around the stomach and the pancreas where the pseudocysts were, and eating still stretches my stomach leaving me in some pain – so twisting and bending for cleaning is unpleasant at best.

The length of time of my recovery has been a surprise. Most of the last 3 months, or rather, since October, has been a surprise. Sometimes it’s been more of a shock. But I’m adjusting. It’s just taking longer than I thought.

I talked about this video clip yesterday and feel the need to share it with you today. A-ha’s ‘Take On Me’.

Day 180

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I found a ball of yarn today that I’ve only used once before in this blanket because it’s a sample skein which means it’s less than 80m in length. The other yarns I’m using come in balls or skeins of 400m so I’m only going to get 3-4 pieces out of the sample skein. It makes an interesting punctuation in the pattern though.

Day 180

I went out with my friend Mary today for the first time since getting sick. We ended up at Hobbycraft which is never a good thing. I’ve come home with a cross-stitch magazine (because it has a cute scissor keeper and pouch kit) and 3 variety packs of buttons because the sweater I knitted last year needs finishing which includes buttons. There are so many ends to sew in! This is one of the reasons I prefer crochet – working the ends into the fabric as you go is so much easier.

More 80’s music (I kinda love 80’s music. Can you tell?). A-ha is best known for ‘Take On Me’ which has an excellent, partially animated video, but tonight’s song is one that I hadn’t realised was by them. Living in England, ‘The Sun Always Shines On TV’ is, sadly, true. It can be several days in a rows that the only place we might see the sun is on tv……

Day 179

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Dear Self,

You’ve tried having fizzy drink since leaving the hospital and you know that it doesn’t take much more than 200ml to upset your tummy so why did you think that drinking a 2 litre bottle over 3 days would not be a problem?

Self, you’re an idiot sometimes.

So, yeah, I’m still readjusting to a ‘normal’ diet and sometimes my desire to return to what was overrides what is. It makes for a lot of burping and general discomfort.

Also, I am out of practice at staying up until after 1am. The headache I have this evening is intense.

Anyway today’s knitting is reversing the next 2 days on the plan. Decreases are easier without having to fit the sloping edge to another piece and increasing against a decrease edge is pretty straightforward.

I’ll fill in the gap with the second trapezoid tomorrow.

Day 179

Depeche Mode. I love the tune of this song (Shake the Disease), and the lyrics. Truthfully, I love most of their music.  They’re iconically ’80’s and wonderful for it 🙂