Day 183


I’m struggling with my ability to concentrate and it means I’m forgetting every day things, like taking my medication each day. I don’t mean medication related to my recent hospital stay. This is the stuff I’ve been taking for years.

But then, I’m not sleeping properly so it isn’t really a surprise. Though I have been eating well, so that’s something.

I was too tired and a little bit fragile so I didn’t go to the Thursday knitting group today. Not that there was any money to go out – the day before payday is always a bit tricky financially. Trying to decide if I want to go out tomorrow or not. I’ve had very minor pain/cramping in the areas that hurt when I was in the hospital. The discomfort is less of a problem than the fear and panic that wells up when the pain starts. I haven’t been needing pain relief more than twice a week since leaving the hospital 3 weeks ago so the fear is largely unfounded. I’m trying not to think about how the pain that needed morphine started out small.

Maybe I’ve been on my own too much lately. Computer games aren’t distraction enough obviously and I’m too much in my own head.

I’m keeping up with the blanket though so yay me 🙂 Lovely bold stripes today.

Day 183

Day 140


Ugh! Just found a dead fly in my drink…. Almost spat that mouthful all over the blanket. Didn’t though. Yay me, I guess.

The blanket didn’t get a mouthful of hot chocolate but it did get a pink trapezoid. I confess that sometimes I don’t like knitting the trapezoids but I do love how they look when finished and how pretty the sloped joining looks.


It’s been a distracted day for me. Again. I’m pretty sure I need to go back to seeing a psychologist. I’m already on the recommended  dosage of my meds and while I won’t refuse an increase if that’s what is decided, I would prefer to avoid it. I know I need the medication but I do t have to like taking it. And by ‘need’, I mean that I do not much like the person I am without the medication, and I am even less capable of being a functioning human. It’s not much fun being on that high speed , emotional roller coaster. At least with the medication, the ride is less dynamic – fewer and less intense ups and downs, and a little more time between them. Still not sure I can be classed as functioning though.

I spent some of the day using my e-spinner to spin some very lovely blue-faced Leicester wool in a natural mid-brown colour that I bought at Fibre-East last year from Adelaide Walker. I think I’m about halfway through the batch and have been thinking about putting beads into the plied yarn. I’m thinking gold, although light blue might work too.


I kinda love marching bands. Not so much that I seek them out but I enjoy them when I get the chance to see/hear/watch one. I am utterly lacking in the coordination to participate in one. I can’t even coordinate my hands to play both parts of a piano piece and that doesn’t even require forward momentum! I also kinda love Fleetwood Mac. Again, don’t usually seek them out but don’t change the radio station if they’re on.

This is a tidied up copy of the video for Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Tusk’. It wasn’t particularly great in the first place but the song is good.

Fleetwood Mac – Tusk

Day 24


Today has not been a Good Day. You may be familiar with the analogy of depression as a black dog. I have 2 black dogs so I actually have a great deal of affection for black dogs but there is a large black beast that follows me. Sometimes it catches up to me and today was one of those days. So it’s got me thinking. To get where I am today – able to  take medication and advice as regards my mental health – it took re-evaluating how I looked at mental health. Not specifically mine but how society approaches mental health. Because it can’t be seen, there are people who don’t believe it’s real. Thing about that though is that you can’t see diabetes either. Nor can you see the flu but both of these things are considered real because they’ve been around a long time even though once upon a time epilepsy was considered a type of demonic possession. Here’s my point – if we don’t talk about it with a view to understanding it beyond myth and imagination, we demonise it. With the growing number of people who are seeking help for mental health concerns, we need to think about how we approach mental health.

Consider if we treated physical ailments as mental illness is so often treated…

Just like the illnesses in the above comic, mental ill health has a biological basis.


Mental illness like depression and anxiety are no less ‘real’ than illnesses like diabetes or cancer.

If you know someone who struggles with their mental health, sometimes it’s very hard to help them. It’s not because they don’t want help. It’s not because they’re being ‘difficult’. sometimes they don’t have words for it either. Sometimes this is the best you can do…

Please be patient with us. We will come through but it might take a little while. Hopefully you will never experience mental ill health, but if you do, you will understand why your patience and your willingness to be there is so appreciated.

Now for something that helped to lift my spirits some today. As you’ve seen, I love music. Every group of people in the world have their own music. It is something that we do socially, as entertainment, as celebration, in mourning. It’s a way to create and a way to share. But it’s not just a human thing.

it was a toss up whether to share jazz loving cows or piano-playing, head-bopping elephants. The elephants won – the one in the foreground actually shakes its booty!

The enjoyment of music is pretty universal and it’s beautiful.

Big square today, knitted with Fortissima Shadow Color in grey. I’ll list the yarns I’ve used so far and which square they were used for in tomorrow’s post.

(I’ll have to add the photo later when my camera is recharged enough for taking a photo)